by Debra Coppinger Hill
The stick in the out-house was there,
To knock down webs and eradicate spiders,
Granny said you didn't want to be like Miss Muffet,
Who had one come sit beside her.
But Maude, she wouldn't listen,
As we told about the stick,
And it's secondary purpose,
Which was to frighten away the chicks.
'Cause chickens would sometimes get in the trench,
Below the out-house, and do what chickens do,
And scratch about in the....well,...
Shall we politely say, "the goo"?
But Maude refused to use the out-house,
"Beneath her dignity" was what she had to say,
And for her vanity and haughtiness
Dear Maudie had to pay.
'Cause in her day long visit,
Eventually she had to go,
And what happened next gave us just cause,
To say "We told her so."
She rushed into the out-house,
And gave the door a slam,
Next thing we heard was a scream,
And the door opened with WHAM!
Out ran Maudie in a rush,
Her drawers about her knees,
Screaming till she was out of breath,
Her words were just a wheeze.
"Snake!" she cried in earnest,
"I'm snake-bit, I'm gonna die!"
Granny tackled her to stop her,
And Maudie began to cry.
She had a single bite,
At the base of her tail-bone,
Oh, the evidence was clear,
In the outhouse she'd not been alone.
But 'twas not a snake bit Maudie,
As we were soon to see,
From the outhouse sashayed the rooster,
It was himself, old Sweet-pea.
He sauntered through the outhouse door,
And his feathers he did fluff,
As far as Granny was concerned,
She had seen enough.
For the rest of the day,
Maude was confined (much to our delight),
On the back porch snapping beans,
With a turpentine rag on her "bite".
And the rest of us cousins,
Who understood about the stick?
Well, we spent our afternoon feeding grasshoppers to the rooster,
Just a happy bunch of hicks.
Copyright 1997 by Debra Coppinger Hill
All rights reserved.
Reminder from the editor:
It ain't the cowboy way to steal stuff.
This material is copyrighted, so don't even think about
using it without the author's written permission.