The Magic Word

by Stan Paregien

A very long time ago, in a land far across the Atlantic Ocean, there lived a powerful king called King Titus. The whole kingdom was at his beck and call. Anything he wanted, he got.

If he wanted the royal chef to bake a Cornish hen for him to eat at 2 a.m. in the morning, the king got it. If he wanted to go for a ride in the moonlight, he merely snapped his finger and the royal coachman arrived with the royal carriage ready to go. When he wanted music, whether at noon or midnight, the royal musicians ran to his throne with their instruments and performed for him. Whatever King Titus wanted, King Titus got.

Well, there was this one thing he wanted and could not get. And it upset him almost every day. He tried time and time again to do this thing, but his royal power was useless.

You see, the great problem the king had was that his beautiful daughter named Jodi Ann would not get married, would not even consider it. And the king was getting old and wanted a grandchild very badly, so he was getting very impatient.

It's not that Princess Jodi Ann was an ugly duckling or anything like that. She did not have a wart on her nose, nor were her eyes crossed. No, the fact is, she was as lovely as the day is long. She had long, shiny hair as black as the raven's wing. Her flashing eyes were radiant as ebony jewels. And her skin was smooth as silk and like the color of mahogany wood. There was no problem with her physical features, for she was a beautiful young woman.

The problem was with her attitude. Attitude determines altitude, they say. And in this case, she could not get an inch off of the ground when it came to attracting a husband.

For one thing, she had a haughty, arrogant attitude. She was a Princess, thank you, and she was quick to let everyone know about her royal bloodline. No man was good enough for her. She walked around the kingdom with her nose held high and her eyes looking down in pity at the poor peasants. She thanked God every single day that she was not like one of those wretched people.

That was not all. She took herself so very seriously that she could not laugh. Ever. At anything. She believed, for some odd reason, that a Princess should always display self-control, should always be extremely dignified. She could not see that she was so dignified she was petrified. Any old rock could act the way she acted. There was never an expression of laughter from her lips, never a sparkle of unbridled happiness in her otherwise beautiful ebony eyes. In the beginning she had chosen not to laugh, so as to appear royally dignified, but she had acted this way for so long that now she had forgotten what it was like to even giggle, much less laugh in uproarious merriment. She was a stick in the mud, that's what she was.

One day old King Titus decided he had seen enough of this foolishness. He called the royal scribe and issued a decree that the man who could make his daughter laugh would not only have her hand in marriage but would also receive half of the kingdom. The royal scribe went back to his shop and scribbled out 100 copies of the decree (this was a few years before photocopy machines, you see). When he was through, he had writer's cramp. But he gave the copies to 100 messengers who took the decree to every town and village in the kingdom. Soon everyone knew that some lucky man might be able to become a king himself and get a beautiful wife by just causing Princess Jodi Ann to laugh.

There was one little bitty, teensie-weensie catch, however. The king did not want five thousand men rushing to the castle to try to make the princess laugh. That would cause traffic problems and environmental pollution and, besides, someone in a crowd like that likely would walk all over the royal tulips planted around the castle. So the king had added this warning to the decree: "Any man who tries to make Princess Jodi Ann laugh and fails to do so will receive 50 lashes with the royal bull whip."

Some of the older men who read the decree, including the fine print about that bull whip business, said: "Verily, verily, 'tis too dangerous." Some of the middle-aged men who read the decree were heard to say as they walked away, "Ain't no way I'd try that, Jose." And some of the younger men who read the decree just said, "Yuk!" So the decree had its intended effect of thinning out the number of men who would even try to make the princess laugh.

Still, there were lots of men who came to try. A weaver from the distant town of Bumpersnoodle stood on his head in the royal courtyard and crossed his eyes in the oddest way, but that did not make the princess laugh. And the poor weaver was not laughing when he left the castle with 50 lashes from the royal bull whip upon his back.

Then came a musician from Tuneytown. He played a mandolin with his hands and tied a pair of cymbals to the inside of his knees. He stood in the courtyard beneath Princess Jodi Ann's bedroom window on the third floor of the castle. And he sang a song he had written:

"There was a princess who lived in our land,

a lovely lass with a lovely hand.

"I don't need a husband" she did say,

but her father, the King, saw it a different way.

"So I am here to say by way of music and song,

That with me, Princess Jodi Ann, you do belong.

I'll hug you and kiss you and make you my wife,

And we'll have our own kingdom away from this strife.

"So laugh for me Princess, just laugh once I pray,

For my taxi meter is running and I'll have to pay.

I'll share with you my bed, my food and my tea.

But would you bring your own sheets and color TV?"

Princess Jodi Ann watched the musician as he performed beneath her balcony, and she thought he was a truly handsome man. For a mere peasant, that is. And his song was creative and, uh, what is that word. Oh, yes, funny. But she remembered she must be dignified at all times, so she not only did not laugh, she did not even smile. So the poor musician left town with 50 painful lashes on his back from the royal bull whip.

The third man to try his luck at making the princess laugh was one of the royal court jesters. "I'm a professional stand-up comedian," the jester thought to himself when he had placed his name on the sign-up sheet to appear before Princess Jodi Ann. "If anybody in this kingdom can make her laugh, it is I. And I shall!"

"Hail to the princess!" he said with his arms outstretched toward the third floor balcony. Princess Jodi Ann soon appeared and looked over the railing at the man dressed in colorful green and yellow clothes and with a silly red cap on his head. He wore five bells on each shoe and jingled with each step.

"Good morning, me Lady," the court jester said as he intentionally took a step and appeared to trip, falling flat on his face. King Titus and several of his advisors were watching all of this, and they laughed at the jester's antics. But not the princess.

"Tell me, Princess Jodi Ann, do you know how mosquitos are like little children?"

The princess said, "Why, no, I do not. How are mosquitos like little children?"

"Simple. The minute they stop making noises you know they're getting into something." And the jester laughed at his own joke and did five cartwheels around the courtyard. The king and his advisors laughed and patted each other on the back.

"King Titus, he's pretty good. He might just be your son-in-law."

Wrong.

No matter what the royal court jester did, from juggling eggs and "accidentally" letting them break on his head to telling joke after joke, he could not get the princess to laugh. He had come close, however, because Princess Jodi Ann had even bitten down on her lip a time or two to keep from laughing. After all, she had to be dignified. And the court jester was led away to receive his 50 lashes with the royal whip for failing to make the princess laugh.

Well, no one in the castle knew it, but the king's new son-in-law was on the way. He was a young saddle-maker from the village of Leatherville, and his name was Jack. He had seen Princes Jodi Ann many times before, as she rode in the royal carriage through his village, and he thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. And he believed that deep down inside she must be a wonderful person, too.

So when he heard the king's decree, he went to a magician he knew and asked him to help him. That old magician was a wise man and he gave Jack a magic word that he could use to bind things together, a kind of superglue that responded to this magic word. All he had to do was to look right at any two things and say the magic word and those two things would be joined together until he said the magic word backwards.

Now, a magic word like that is not something you go around telling just everybody. Can you keep a secret? So can I. But if you will be careful not to tell anyone else, I'll tell you what the magic word is that the young saddle-maker received from the old magician. The word was..., wait a minute. Maybe I shouldn't do this. It's a magic word, you know, and magic words are very special.

Oh, okay. The magic word that the magician gave to the young saddle-maker was, "Rethgual." That's it. Rethgual. Just by looking at two things he wanted to bind together, and by saying "Rethgual", those two things would be joined forever. Unless, of course, he said the magic word backwards.

So, with that word--Rethgual--racing around in his head, the young saddle-maker started off for the castle. On the way there he passed by a river, where he saw a fisherman land a fish about two feet long. The fisherman was proud of the big fish and he held it high for the people to see. And that's when Jack looked right at his hands holding that fish and said the magic word. Rethgual!

Immediately the fish was fastened to the man's hands, as if by glue. The fisherman danced around, flinging the fish this way and that way, but he could not turn loose of it. "Come along with me," Jack said. "Soon I shall find a way to release you." And the fisherman walked behind Jack, still trying to pry that big fish from his hands.

As they were walking toward the castle, one of the fisherman's friends, a farmer with a basket of corn in his left hand, walked up and patted the fisherman on the back to congratulate him on catching such a large fish. And that's when Jack looked right at the farmer and said the magic word.

Rethgual!

Immediately the farmer's right hand was fastened as if by glue to the fisherman's shoulder. He pulled and he pulled, jerking the poor fisherman about, but he could not free his hand. "Come along with me," Jack said. "Soon I shall find a way to release you."

As they walked along the road, a large golden goose ran out of the bushes and began eating the corn in the farmer's basket. And that's when Jack looked right at the golden goose with its head in the basket of corn and he said the magic word.

Rethgual!

And, zap, immediately the golden goose's head was stuck to the farmer's basket. Oh, the goose didn't like that it bit. It squawked and squawked, and it flapped it's wide wings. But there was no way it could get loose. At least not until Jack said the magic word backwards.

About that time, an old lady with a large green sunbonnet on her head ran out from her house and yelled, "Where are you going with my golden goose. Come back here!" She ran over to where the strange procession was moving down the road, and she grabbed the golden goose by it's tail feathers. And that's when Jack looked right at her hand on the goose and said the magic word.

Rethgual!

And, zap, immediately the old woman's gnarled hand was fastened to the tail feathers of the golden goose. She jerked her hand all around, and as she did she jerked the golden goose from one side to the other. The goose got excited and flapped it's wings and pushed the basket of corn from side to side. And the poor farmer couldn't see what was happening behind him, but heard the yelling and squawking, and he pushed the fisherman to try to get him to go faster. And the fisherman kept trying to throw that big fish away, throwing first to his left and then to his right. But they were all stuck together. At least until Jack decided to say the magic word, "Rethgual," in reverse.

When the funny parade arrived at the castle, the king's two large watchdogs thought something was wrong. It was the strangest sight they had every seen. The two large, mean watchdogs began barking at the strange procession and nipping at the heels of the fisherman, the farmer, the goose and the old lady. And each of them began yelling, pushing and shoving, kicking and dancing to try to move away from the dogs.

The king and his advisors came out to see what the disturbance was. And they began laughing with all of their might when they saw the fish stuck in the fisherman's hand, and the farmer's right hand stuck on the fisherman's shoulder, and the farmer's basket stuck to the head of the golden goose, and the goose's tail feathers stuck to the hands of the old woman. They laughed and laughed, and then they laughed some more.

Now, no one except Jack had really noticed, but Princess Jodi Ann had stepped out on her balcony to see what all the noise was about. And as she saw the strange parade of people all stuck together, she began to smile. Wider and wider. And as she heard all of the other people laughing, she too broke out in a loud and joyful laugh. She laughed until her sides hurt, and then she laughed some more.

"Look up there at the princess," said one of the king's advisor's. "She is laughing. The princess is actually laughing!"

The king looked up and, sure enough, his daughter was laughing harder than he had ever seen her laugh. "You, young man," he said to handsome Jack, "have won the right to marry my daughter. Your marriage to Princess Jodi Ann shall be the greatest celebration the kingdom has ever seen. And I shall give you have of my kingdom as well."

Jack's heart was filled with happiness at winning the lovely princess as his wife, and he was not exactly upset at getting half of the king's land, either. So he turned to the old woman who was stuck to the back of the golden goose and to the goose whose head was stuck to the farmer's basket and to the farmer who was stuck to shoulder of the fisherman and to the fisherman whose hands were still holding that large fish, and he said: "Thank you for your help. Now I shall release you by saying the magic word, "Rethgual," backwards. And that word is "Laughter!"

And, zap, the minute he said "Laughter", the magic word spelled backwards, the spell was broken and the golden goose and the farmer and the fisherman and the old lady went on their way.

And Jack married Princess Jodi Ann and they lived happily ever after.

Now you know Jack's secret and what the magic word is. And those people who are wisest are those who know there really is magic in laughter. Not in just the word, but in smiling and laughing and enjoying life. May you have laughter, that magic word and that magic experience, in your life every single day.

__________

Written at Snyder, Texas, on April 19, 1993. Based on the story, "Taper-Tom Who Made the Princess Laugh," found in Norwegian Folk Tales (N.Y.: Pantheon Books, 1960), pp. 20-24.