As I wuz a goin' up the Interstate, I wuz a thinkin' "Ain't this great. Here I am in my pickup truck a goin' to Bandera, Texas, the Cowboy Capital of the World, to be with a bunch of good ol' boys at the All American Cowboy Get Together." Ol' Willie Nelson's song, "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys" wuz comin' out of the speakers of my stereo as I pulled up behind an 18-wheeler full of prime Texas beef.

Now, I bet y'all are just a wonderin' how I knew it wuz prime Texas beef. Well, let me tell y'all: I'm a trained professional. And like any good cowboy, they can tell ya how good the beef is just by the airomatic fragrance that wuz a comin' through the vents.

Now I don't want y'all to try this. Just leave it to the pros. Fer ya see, when ya start workin' cattle you find out they sometimes get this thing called "scours". That is just a nice word for diarrhea. Why, I've seen a cow shoot a stream 'bout 8 to 10 feet long and so watery that it wouldn't stain a screened door.

Anyhow, being behind that truck reminded me of the day we wuz a takin' a load of cattle to the sale barn. That's when I seen a little red convertible sports car a comin' up quick. 'Bout that time I lost sight of him in my rear view mirror as he got close behind the trailer.

Before ya know it, he's a doin' a nose-dive as he wuz slammin' on his brakes. As he came around me I seen he had the nicest green "racing stripe" on that red car and the same stripe on his face. Y'all have heard of havin' egg on y'all's face, well we weren't a haulin' chickens, if ya know what I mean. His face wuz a mite green.