This here Moses gent had been raised as a grandson of the Pharoah of Egypt. A Pharoah, near as I can tell, was somethin' like a king or a county commissioner or somethin' like that. Leastways, when he said "Frog!" there was lots of people who jumped.
Somewhere along the trail, though, Moses got his tail in a crack and lit out from Egypt for parts unknown. He wandered here and he wandered there until he settled down in Midian, with a wife and a youngun.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch....er, I mean, back in Egypt his grandpa Pharoah died. And things got even worse for all those Israelites who were slaves to those Egyptian fellers. So the Iraelites, the Good Book says, "groaned in their slavery." And the Lord Jehovah heard that groanin' and decided it was high time to shell the corn and show the cob.
Well, sir, one day Moses was out tendin' to a bunch of woolies that didn't even belong to him. Those snot-blowin' critters belonged to his papa-in-law, a gent named Jethro. Moses had drifted them woolies across the prairie and up the side of Mount Horeb. It was a quiet day, except for the sound of them sheep munchin' the grass down to the bare ground. But it didn't stay quiet long.
Moses had his Bowie knife out and was whittling on a stick when he saw it. The "it" was a fire. Fire and livestock don't mix too well, not even today out here on the range. So young Moses he trotted his Mustang pony over to where this here fire was raging and sendin' black smoke just a'belchin' up into the blue sky. Turned out to be just one single, solitary sagebrush. But it was flaring up like a hay stack. And the strange thing was that it just kept on burnin' but never burned up. Stranger still, the angel of the Lord appeared to Moses whilst he was starin' at that fire.
Now brothers and sisterns, it was what done happened next that liked to have scared the
bejeebers out of Moses. There he was, mindin' his own business and just watching that angel in
the fire, when Almighty God his ownself called out of that roarin' fire to him: "Moses, Moses" the
thunderin' voice said. And ol' Moses just about fell out of his saddle.
The Lord said to him, "Moses, take off your Justin ropers 'cause this here dirt is holy
ground."
You ain't never seen a cowpoke get his boots off any quicker'n Moses did that day. And there he stood, with both his big toes peeking through holes in his socks. And Moses was so amazed at such goin's on that he plumb hid his face behind his big ol' Stetson hat. Reckon the Lord musta wondered what kind of feller he was dealing with, but he went ahead and explained his plan to Moses.
Seems as though the Lord needed himself a leader. The Lord had been a'listenin' to the prayers of them Israelites who was livin' in bondage there in Egypt. Them Egyptians was givin' God's people what-fir and he didn't like it. So he ups and tells Moses that he was gonna be the Chief Scout to free them Israelites and take 'em to the Promised Land. Of course, there was a wrinkle or two in that plan. Namely a gent name Pharaoh and a few hundred thousand of his gunslingers. And that's why Moses peeked out from behind his hat and said, "Jehovah, sir, beggin' yore pardon but who the heck am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"
The Lord God took himself a deep breath and said, "Look here, boy, I will be with you." But Moses squirmed some more and said, "Yes, sir, much abliged for your help. But what if they ask me what your name is?" And God, growing more impatient, said: "Just tell 'em 'I AM' has sent me to you.'"
Moses wasn't sold on the deal quite yet. So he conjured up another question: "Well, sir, uh...Jehovah God,...just supposin' for a minute, what if them folks flat don't believe me and say right to my face that 'The Lord never did appear to you, you faker you'?"
It was all God could do to keep from zappin' Moses with a lightning bolt or two. But he counted to ten and said, "Young man, you best listen up real good. Throw that shepherd's staff of yorn down on the ground." And Moses turned loose of that staff like it was a red-hot brandin' iron.
Lo and behold, that staff had barely hit the ground before it turned into a six-foot long diamond backed rattlesnake. Mose's poor ol' Mustang pony, standing next to him, suddenly reared up and took off for parts unknown. And Moses was just about to do the same when the Lord said, "Moses, reach down and pick that snake up."
Now Moses was mighty squeamish about this situation. As a kid he had hisself a turtle for a pet, and a mongoose, and even a small crocodile. But he never had taken a shine to snakes. Still, he could tell by God's voice that he was dead serious, so Moses inched his hand over toward the tail of that rattler as it was stretched out there on the ground. He shut his eyes and grabbed hold of that snake's tail, ready to bite or be bit. Only the Lord at that very instant turned that creepy, crawly back into his wooden shepherd's staff. And the Lord spoke pretty dadgummed plain to Moses: "Now, let that be a lesson to you and to the people that it is I who have sent you."
That deal sure made an impression on this young galoot, Moses. And so did the next event, when the Lord told him to stick his hand inside his Panhandle Slim shirt. Moses allowed as how that was more tolerable than reaching for a rattlesnake, so he put his hand inside his shirt next to his chest. But then he got to thinkin', "Oh, mercy, the Lord ain't gonna turn my fingers into snakes, is he?"
Before Moses could say "jackrabbit," why the Lord told him to pull his paw back out. And when he did, his whole hand looked like it was plumb covered with flour. Only it weren't no flour. It was leprosy. Kinda like the hoof rot that cows and horses get. It didn't look good and it sure 'nuff didn't smell like biscuits and gravy, neither.
Brothers and Sisterns, Moses liked to have had himself a hissy-fit. He was about a half-second away from screaming and yelling and crying when the Lord spoke to him and told him to put that sickly white hand back inside his shirt. Moses really wasn't none too sure he wanted to put that thing back next to his chest, but he did. And when he pulled it back out, why lo and behold, it was plumb shut of that leprosy.
The Lord began tellin' Moses some details of what he wanted him to do. But Moses was still lookin' for some way to politely get out of this job. He didn't want to be Chief of Scouts for even a Boy Scout troop, much less for the million and some-odd Israelites. Some of 'em really odd. He thought and he thought until he came up with a good excuse. "Oh, L...Lo....Lord, I ain't ne...nev...never been no s...si...silver-tongued devil."
The Lord bit his own tongue and slowly explained that it just didn't make no never mind to him whether Moses was eloquent or not. "Write this down so you'll remember it, son: I the Lord will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
Moses was desperate, now, so he played his last card: "Oh, Lord, please, please please---pretty please with sugar on it--send someone else to do it."
Now that was without a doubt the straw that bent the donkey's back. 'Cause the Good Book says that "the Lord's anger burned against Moses." Ummm, ummm. And Moses thought that little burning bush was hot. It was ice cold compared to the anger of Almighty God.
I reckon that God really did take a likin' to Moses, though, 'cause he finally just threw up his hands and said, "Okay, Moses, the deal goes like this: Your brother Aaron, the yahoo what would make a good used chariot salesman, he will speak to the people for you. Now, take this staff and hit the road, Jack."
And that's what Moses did. He shaped up and he shipped out. I reckon he finally saw the light, or at least he saw the light after he felt the heat. And he buckled down and became a mighty fine leader of God's people.
The way I see it, Brothers and Sisterns, the moral of this story is this: The Lord God Almighty does not always call those to lead who are qualified; but he always qualifies the ones he calls. That's how it was with Moses. No, sir, he wasn't much to look at and he sure wasn't much to listen to; but he finally saw what God wanted him to do and he saddled up and went off and did it. So when the Lord calls you, you best push or pull. Or get plumb outta the way so he can raise up another leader, 'cause his work is gonna get done by somebody or another.
Amen and amen.