Once upon a time, long before barbed wire divided up the
land, there was a handsome young cowboy called Jingle Bob who worked
up on the giant Hitch Ranch headquartered in Guymon, Oklahoma. 

	Now, most cowboys in their younger years are bent on building a
reputation for roping cows, breaking wild horses or accuracy with a
six-gun. Not Jingle Bob. He was out to build him a reputation as a
certified lady-killer, a real ranch romeo. So every chance he got he went
into town and flirted with every girl that he saw.	

	There was one thing, in particular, that he did that finally got him
into a lot of trouble. You see, he would cozy up to a young filly--maybe at
the post office or the general store--and start to make small talk. Then he
would figure out some way to get the girl to turn her head from one side
to the other, such as by saying, "Look over yonder at Mrs. Smith's new
dress." And just as she turned back, he would smack her one right on
the lips.	

	Well, sir, that's how Jingle Bob stole so many kisses. But the girls
there in Guymon began to catch on to that and, worse, their boyfriends
and husbands also caught on to it. And it got to where it was downright
unsafe for Jingle Bob to come into town, except in a crowd of Hitch
Ranch wranglers.	

	The longer he went without a kiss the more desperate for a
smooch that he got. He finally got so hard up for a kiss from a pretty girl
that he did something he barely lived to regret. One day he got wind of
the fact that Miss Lula Belle Jones was taking the stagecoach to Amarillo
Saturday morning to see her sick mother. Miss Lula Belle Jones was a
local school marm, and a mighty fine looking young woman she was. But
she never dated anyone because she wanted to protect her reputation. 

	Well,the challenge was too tempting for him to pass up.	Early
Saturday morning Jingle Bob rode his buckskin mare over to the
Guymon to Amarillo trail and hid out behind a stand of mesquite trees.
And when that stagecoach came by he pulled his bandanna up over his
face, jumped out in front of it and fired his pistol in the air. He yelled,
"Stop the coach. This here's a holdup!"	

	That stagecoach driver was half asleep, but he jerked to attention
and pulled back on the reins and brought the stagecoach to a rocking
stop. "We ain't carrying nothing worth stealing," the driver said as he
threw down his own gun.	"Well, now, that's sure 'nuff a matter of
opinion," Jingle Bob said, smiling behind his bandanna. "Get down and
get everyone out of the stagecoach."	

	The old stagecoach driver, who looked like Gabby Hayes' twin
brother, had never been held up before and he was shakin' like a
cottonwood leaf in a thunderstorm as he got down and ordered everyone
out of the stagecoach.	

	There were only two passengers. One was the lovely Miss Lula
Belle Jones, dressed in a beautiful red velvet dress. The other passenger
was a somber-looking woman who was without doubt the ugliest woman
he had ever seen. She had a big wart on the end of her nose, with a hair
sticking out of the middle of the wart about a quarter inch. Her eyes
were crossed and she had two lower front teeth missing, with chewing
tobacco dripping out the gap. Her dark, dirty hair was tied back in a
bun. She was the new town blacksmith, Claudia Caddidelhopper, and
she was one stout woman.	

	Jingle Bob blinked his eyes and then turned his attention to Miss
Lula Belle Jones. "The only thing I want to steal today is kisses, and I'm
not letting this stagecoach go until I get at least five kisses."	

	Miss Lula Belle Jones, who had to act very prim and proper in
her role as a school marm actually got a little hot to trot by the thought
of getting to be kissed by a man. "Very well," she said, "if there is no
other way and if that is what it takes so that I can continue my trip to
Amarillo to see my sick mother." And she puckered up her pulsating
ruby red lips.	

	Jingle Bob raised his bandanna up just enough to clear his lips
and then he planted a long kiss on her lips. He came up for air and said,
"That's once." And he went back for more. "Ummmm, that's twice," he
said with a satisfied smile. And he went back for another kiss from Miss
Lula Belle Jones. "Ooooooh wheeeee, that's three." He got so engrossed
that he shut his eyes as concentrated on the next kiss. "Ummmmm, that's
number four," he said dreamily, with his eyes still shut.	

	Suddenly, Jingle Bob felt someone grab him and spin him around.
He came lip to lip with that female blacksmith, the ugliest woman in all
of the Oklahoma panhandle. She yelled, "And darlin', this here is
number five." And she planted a kiss on him that smeared tobacco from
one ear to the other.	
	
	Poor ol' Jingle Bob was so shaken that he took off running toward
his horse, but he ran up to it so fast that he spooked the horse and it
broke the reins and lit out for the ranch house, so he had to walk more
than eleven miles that day. And that's the story of how Jingle Bob was
cured of stealing kisses, once and for all.